Love & Greatness
Two great loves.
Why did I think I had to choose?
What if you don't have to choose between greatness and the people you love?
First-person passages are proposed wording based on the author's own material. Sensitive passages are anonymised and marked for final author approval.
Chapter I
The search for true love
Around 2018, despite my sporting ambitions and achievements, I felt an increasing emptiness inside. I began searching for meaning and inner peace.
At a reflective event in Amsterdam, I wrote down that I wanted to experience true love.
Chapter II
Two great loves
My first great love was hockey: my teammates, the competition and extraordinary collective goals — World Championships and Olympic Games.
My second great love was the woman with whom I imagined spending my life. For a long time I believed, partly out of fear, that I would have to choose between them.
Chapter III
Spain — what I thought greatness asked of me
Sensitive passage — awaiting final author approval
In Spain, I made decisions I look back on with a great deal of regret.
I stepped away from the national team. I said I could no longer go on and no longer wanted to help. My ego was wounded, and that played a part in my choice to leave.
In that same period, I also ended the relationship with the woman who was, for me, the love of my life.
I thought that was necessary.
In what I saw in Whiplash, in the messages of David Goggins and in other extreme examples of chasing greatness, I found confirmation for the idea that I had to make sacrifices like these. That was how I interpreted those stories at the time.
Looking back on that period, I call it the biggest mistake of my life. I see my own part in the choices I made.
When I later spoke with Carl Van de Velde, he confronted me with that. It woke me up. In our conversations he left me with the message that I had to become unbreakable. That is where the Unbreakable idea began.
I do not want to turn this loss into a necessary sacrifice, justified afterwards by personal growth. The regret is real, and so is my responsibility. What I learned is this: love is not the price of greatness. It is part of greatness.
Love is not the price of greatness. It is part of greatness.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Feel It. Sit With It. Then Decide.
Create space between a powerful emotion and a major decision.
The Unbreakable Mindset
No Ego — Choose Reality Over Being Right.
Let go of your need to be right — without letting go of who you are.
The Unbreakable Mindset
To Goggins It — Train Your Mind. Don't Just Build a Stronger Body.
You can become physically stronger and still keep running from yourself.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Love Is the Foundation of Greatness.
What if love does not stand opposite greatness, but helps decide which greatness is worth pursuing?
Chapter IV
From trigger to choice
Through coaching and reflection I am learning to create space between powerful emotions and major decisions: to feel what is there, sit with it, understand it — and only then decide.
Interactive exercise
From Trigger to Choice
Create space between a powerful emotion and a major decision.
Pausing is only appropriate when it is safe. In case of immediate danger, abuse or threats, act promptly and seek outside support.
Chapter V
Becoming the good, humble man
Becoming the man the woman I love can count on.
I want to pursue extraordinary ambitions and also become a man who is present, loving, trustworthy, humble, responsible, emotionally available, open to feedforward and able to communicate in difficult moments.
A partner should not automatically receive only the time and attention left over after sporting or professional ambitions. I want to deliberately give an intimate relationship a genuinely important place.
That also means mutual respect, reciprocity, healthy boundaries — and room for the independent dreams of both partners.
- Present
- Loving
- Trustworthy
- Humble
- Responsible
- Emotionally available
- Open to feedforward
- Able to communicate in difficult moments
This describes an intention, not a current relationship status or a guaranteed future.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Stay Humble. Keep Learning.
Confidence without arrogance: stay curious, listen and keep learning, even after success.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Define the Person You Want to Be
Determine who you want to be, even when no one assesses your performance.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Love Requires Boundaries and Communication
A lasting relationship requires mutual space, not complete self-sacrifice.
Chapter VI
Love is a work in progress
Love, relationships, circumstances and priorities evolve. The purpose is not perfection, but learning to bring more and more care, awareness and responsibility to our relationships.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Love Requires Boundaries and Communication
A lasting relationship requires mutual space, not complete self-sacrifice.
The Unbreakable Mindset
Never Finished. Always Becoming.
The principles offer direction, not perfection. The journey keeps going.
Interactive exercise
Before the Difficult Conversation
Prepare a respectful conversation about what matters.
Not every relationship can or should be preserved. If you feel unsafe, seek support first.
Interactive exercise
The Love & Greatness Compass
Explore your ambitions, relationships, values and shared priorities — and choose one practical next action.
Connected principles
Love is not the price of greatness. It is part of greatness.
To Goggins It
How a relentless desire to become someone can put pressure on relationships and constructive communication.
The Turtle and the Beast
Patience, emotional regulation and a different way into difficult conversations.
Make the Journey Worth It
Preserving meaningful relationships while pursuing exceptional goals.
Your Cinderella Moment
Love, responsibility, family and asking for help.
To the eighteen-year-old who wants it all.
For the eighteen-year-old who dares to dream big — and falls in love.
This book is partly written for my younger self: the ambitious young player who wanted to reach the highest level and was willing to make enormous sacrifices — and the young adult who still had to learn how to navigate love, friendship, identity, emotional triggers, competing priorities and meaningful relationships.
At eighteen, you don't yet have to know how you will perfectly unite your biggest dreams, your first great love and your friendships. But you can already learn to give attention to all three.
You can learn to communicate. You can learn to ask for help. You can learn that a difficult emotion doesn't have to become a final decision straight away.
And you can discover that the life you are trying to build is at least as important as the achievements you are trying to reach.
Proposed wording from the author's own material.
Interactive exercise
A letter to my younger self
What would you like your younger self to know about dreams, love and friendship?
Love is not the price of greatness.
It is part of greatness.
Never finished. Always becoming.